Hello fellow Americans. I woke up today around 2:30pm and enjoyed a good wank which was supplemented by a a somewhat soaked Victoria's Secret magazine which highlighted the Fall 2006 collection. The sheer tiny size of the panties and thongs was nearly enough to set my rocket off the exact moment I was able to conjure up an image in my fat brain of a girl I saw yesterday (who was a white young 16 year old child) wearing a pink thong in Pizza Land.
Pizza Land is hypothetically my favorite place in the entire world. It only exists in my imagination but it is a place where American dreams come true. Every road is paved with fresh pizza and there are sexy, hard bodied women serving you sprite and sour patch kids to wash the pizza down. Anyways, I digress. After having a wank, I put on my favorite flannel underwear and headed outside down the block to buy a cheesesteak. I had to stop twice to catch my breath, for an entire 3 block journey consists of wheezing, and coughing for a fat cheeseburger eater like myself. I consumed two feet of cheesesteak before passing out inside of the food establishment.
I woke up to a less than appealing looking employee poking and prodding me.
"Chunder!! Such rudeness! I am nearly appalled that you have awoken me from my slumber young Sir! I demand to speak to the management of this Cheesesteak establishment" I said to him.
"I am the manager sir. You can't sleep in here, there's other customers that are a little aggravated with your loud snoring and the cheese all over your face."
What heresy! I was a paying customer and not allowed to rest my heavy eyelids. This is the problem with America! I can slowly, everyday, feel my freedoms being revoked.
Anyhow, after several hours of playing World of Warcraft, I had another wank, then headed up to my room before my house mate asked me to go with him to Glendale, Pennsylvania, an almost 25 minute journey outside of my cave. I thanked him kindly, but I for one would not be endangering myself with cars, traffic, and visiting "shithole Pittsburgh-caliber towns" as I so eliquently put it.
I will now read my Kurt Vonnegut book and eat some more. Perhaps a bacon-weave cheese-log. Today has truly been a glorious one.
No comments:
Post a Comment