Hello all. Worst Person Alive signing in.
I spent the first have of my day with my friend Vlad. Vlad originates from Russia and I was his roommate for the first semester of my college attendance. He enjoys engaging with women and dangerous levels of consumption of vodka, the official water of Russia. His true passion though, is driving, and "living like life of true bandit." His car is a 1987 Sinii Moskvich and he always insists on driving it aggressively and out of its limits. He will pull the handbrake through turns and scream insults at pedestrians; those whom he considers "unfortunate cheeseburger people." He "lives like bad lifestyle of black man" and considers himself a "true komrad".
I am doomed to remain a "cheeseburger american" in his perception of the world. Vlad often talks of the days of wrestling bears in Russia and making "finest stiff explosion relationships" with some of the top Russian cheerleaders in the country aged 22-32.
Vlad's exciting lifestyle of a bandit makes mine seem dull in comparison. He has therefore agreed after a written plea that I may be his apprentice for 3 days per week, but never Saturday. Sundays and Friday's are fine, as well as Monday, Wednesday, Tuesday, and the Grandest of All days, Thursday, but Saturdays are right out. Vlad has repeated this to me several times since we finalized the agreement. I can only presume that Saturdays are for Vlad and himself only, along with a tall, blonde haired Russian broad in his most direct and sensual company. He is surely racing through the countryside, where horsepower becomes inconsequential to driving abilities. Rather the mind power it takes to maneuver through hairpins of a 30% grade and hilly crests with blind apexes, scattered about the afternoon fields.
I have agreed to purchase a Russian car very soon so that training may commence. I have to learn the skills to drive well soon, because Vlad could possibly lose his license for "driving through village of cows" after drinking "many abundant Stoli." I may have to step up into a man's shoes and be the driver if Vlad loses his license.