Hello again friends and great world (USA #1). I have sufficiently and certainly stuffed myself full to capacity with a full metric kilo and another half of Totino's Pizza rolls, so I fear I may nod off during the typing of this post, but I will attempt the task irregardless with great gusto.
America is obviously the greatest country in the world. There is no doubting that. With all the various foods, video games and computers available to the free people of this country, it comes as no surprise that we are constantly ranked #1 happiest country in all of the polls. Do not summon me with requests for sources on aforementioned polls, I have none. All you need to do is take a good look at the great state of Philadelphia. So many glowing, happy souls can be found from Market street, to South Street proceeding upwards towards North Philly.
Anyways, I found myself in a state of great alarm when I spoke to my wonderful brother Tony earlier today. Tony lives in southern Virginia, in true redneck country. He had just finished getting his American flag tattoo filled in when he got in his 2000 Dodge Viper GTS Coupe (which gets 8 miles per gallon by the way, America #1) and headed to the local WalMart. He saw an Obama supporter so he leaned out of the car to scream obscenities (as he should have) when he lost control of the car, flew through a McDonald's drive thru and crashed into a gun store.

When I was first exposed to the Dodge Viper, I was amused. Such a brash, thoughtless car for meathead Americans. Truly a car for men with small penises and less brains than taste. Before I knew much about the car, I once approached a Dodge Viper owner. He had sunglasses and a velvet shortsleeved button down shirt. I asked if he would rev the engine or perhaps take me for a short test drive. I asked him why his $80,000 supercar had a pig-disgusting, 8 liter truck engine in it; was it some sort of foul-up at the factory, or did all Dodge Vipers come equipped standard like this?
I soon came to realize, who needs passion and refinement in their cars? Just throw a huge truck engine, not even tweaked for performance enhancements, into a big cockpit with wheels and voila. That's an American car. Big, heavy, pointless, slower and less powerful than its European counterparts that are doing a lot more with a lot less displacement. The cockpit is shity quality, ugly, uncomfortable. The sidepipes get hot enough to burn your calf right through your pants if you're not careful. The hood gets hot enough to cook an egg after an hour of driving, assuming you're able to drive the thing for a full hour without running out of gas. The Viper handles like a hammer, making it impossible to have the throttle opened more than 1/16 while cornering. Take all that with enough torque to pin your co-pilots throat to the back of the seat, hopefully it's a lady, so hard that she will shit her pans and period all over the place if you're brave enough to open the throttle halfway on a completely, straight, dry road, void of any pedestrians, other cars, trees, telephone polls, anything. Even this is dangerous, considering the Viper has a V10 and 450 hp, but no traction control or anti-lock brakes. Overweight, underperformed, outrageous, ludicrous.
Now THAT'S an American car.