The Cheeseburger Man interviews himself

Q: The Cheeseburger Man (CM): Why are you doing this, this blog? No one's reading it. And besides, you're gonna die.
A: The Cheeseburger Man (CM): Guffaw! I accept none of this as fact. Your sources are unreliable and brain clogged with garbage. I have over a couple of regular readers and even more upon personal request. My blog is documented of atrocities and hilarity that ensues no where else, even in the deepest, darkest corners of the internet. No one can describe the soft, tenderness of a cheeseburger like I can. No one can describe the true desire inside a swollen, American heart that wants to burst forth with glory and sentiment.
Q: CM: That last statement made no sense whatsoever. Your moronic statements and attitude are alarming and a true failure in comparison to the rest of the world. Anyways, your favorite foods are what again?
A: CM: Cheeseburgers of course. With bacon. And plenty of cheese. I also enjoy steaks, cheesesteaks, and pork of any various variety.
Q: CM: Why do you say shit that doesn't make sense, like "various variety?"
A: CM: I do not expect a fat cheeseburger eating American such as yourself to be able to wrap your primitive mind around my breathtaking rhetoric and prose.
Q: CM: DOGSHIT! You're such a fat asshole! America sucks man! Cheeseburgers are not the best food in the world!
A: CM: What travesty it is that I must endure this molestation! I must warn you, Sir; if you but accost my good character once more, I will be forced to take civil or perhaps even physical action against you. In fact, I find your presence no more worthy of mine than some indiscriminate scum such as Bon Jovi or Barack Obama!
Q: CM: There you go again! Tossing around 5-syllable words like they mean something! And in the complete wrong context! You, Sir, are a fallacy and a phony human!
A: CM: Nonsense! Indiscriminate takes on the same meaning as a word like miscellaneous would!
Q: CM: But you are such a fat pretentious piece of shit. Ugh. [To someone off camera] I can't even talk to this guy anymore. [Tears off microphone]. I'll be in my plush and comfortable trailer, filed with various hams and pre-sliced fruits [Barely audible to audience].
A: CM: Well if you don't mind, since my host has left, I do believe I have a few hot pockets to cook and I still need to beat the Japanese Grand Prix on Gran Turismo 4 before I can unlock the endurance races, so if you'll excuse me...