THE RIGHT TO WATCH TELEVISION

I can feel the grip of the great government of America tightening on my oversized, chubby throat.
They are trying to revoke my American Right to watch television.
The switch to digital cable is a terribly confusing and overwhelming matter. It is causing me great stress and increasing my chances of getting diabetes. If I end up with diabetes someday, it will be the fault of my favorite of all government's then.
I understand that we are supposed to get a cable box or a voucher that costs $40 or is free. I am not sure. You can tell that I am in a state of confusion and disillusion.
The switch to digital cable has been planned for years and will finally happen in less than 2 weeks. That is, unless Congress chooses to delay it. I am thinking of contacting my state representative. I certainly need more time. Why would they do such a horrible thing to begin with? I demand that they drop off a digital conversion box at my house.

Now I understand that they have been advertising and explaining the concept for a long time, and all I have to do is make a wheezing, exhausting, 6 hour journey to the WALMART and get a digital receiver and it's not costing me anything, but the point is that IT'S THREATENING MY RIGHT TO WATCH TV. I have way better things to do, like eat rotisserie chickens and meat pies, and I still insist that it's a terribly confusing process.